Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
