his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
