i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
