ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need to sanitize my soul.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
