doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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