Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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