I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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