you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
