Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize