I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
