i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it glows. i had to have it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize