you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
