I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
