we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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