Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize