You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
