can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
