Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
