please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
