two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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