Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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