I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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