I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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