I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
