my mouth tastes like poor choices
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
