I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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