does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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