If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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