i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
