I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
