i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
