He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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