ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
