All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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