Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
