I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
