you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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