2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
