You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
