Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
