Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
