I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
