God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
