soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize