dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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