my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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