I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
