i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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