So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can't special order awesome
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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