he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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