you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
