What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
