Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize