I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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