Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
