Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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