we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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