what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
