i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
