please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
