I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize