sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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