so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
