hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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