I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
