stop calling my apartment porn island.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize