ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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