I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
