Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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