Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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