Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
