Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
