we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
