mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
