he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
