He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize